Monday, October 01, 2007

An umpire's tale



All baseball fans hate umpires at one time or another. On occasion, that hatred lasts for years or decades. I still haven't gotten over Larry Barnett's failure to call interference on the Reds' Ed Armbrister when he collided with Carlton Fisk in Game 3 of the '75 World Series.

Yet a lot of umpires also seem like the guys you'd want to have a few beers with, or invite to your backyard barbecue. Not just because they're probably pretty good guys, but because the stories they could tell are priceless.

On the MLB.com umpires' page is a link to a series of Q&A from fans. Tim McClelland, a 25-year MLB veteran who'll be calling balls and strikes behind the plate in Denver tonight for the Rockies-Padres wild card tiebreaker, gave a case-in-point answer to the following question:

As an umpire, what's the funniest thing anyone has ever said to you during an argument?

McClelland: Oh boy. A long time ago at a game in Triple-A, Jack McKeon was the manager in Omaha. He came out and said "I know you got that call right, but I have a big, full house here and my team isn't playing very well. Can we just stand out here and argue a little bit? I am just going to stand here and bob my head and raise my hands a little bit, but I am not mad at you. I just want to put on a little bit of a show. When I'm done you run me and I'll go to the dugout."

I said, "That's fine, whatever you need to do, go ahead and do it." So I told him I had a good dinner last night at a restaurant and asked if he's ever been there. He said no, and started kicking the dirt and raising his hands and said "but maybe I should try it out sometime! Well, I think this was enough, why don't you run me now." So I did and he walked away.


Sunday, September 30, 2007

What a day...

Yankees win, Red Sox lose, and I'm giddy as a teenager who just found out the girl he has a crush on likes him back.

Hard to believe, but it's true. Since today's AL East matchups were essentially meaningless, I really only wanted three things:

1) No injuries on the Sox.
2) An easy and uneventful day for the Boston bullpen.
3) A storybook ending to the NL playoff picture.

Well, I got two of the three today. For the third, I'll have to wait until tomorrow's tiebreaker matchup between the Rockies and Padres.

Back in the day, I used to post an extensive preview analysis at SoSH for each Red Sox regular season series. I loved putting them together, but they involved a lot of research and time so they died a death of attrition.

So today, after the National League constellations aligned to provide a fireworks finale suitable for the 4th of July, I felt uplifted enough to draft an admittedly abridged preview of tomorrow's wild card matchup in Denver.

That's right, uplifted. In fact, I'm happy as a pig in shit right now. First, there was the somewhat perverse pleasure of watching the Mets complete their epic collapse before the boobirds at Shea with an 8-1 drubbing at the hands of the Marlins. Moments later, the Phillies took care of business and clinched the NL East with a 6-1 win over the Nats. Normally I find teams from Philadelphia (and their fans) worthy of scorn and ridicule, but there's something eminently likeable about this team.

That left the Padres needing a win in Milwaukee to lock up a wild card slot. With a 4-2 lead, Brett Tomko fell apart in the 5th inning as the Brewers scored 4 times. They tacked on 3 more in the 6th on their way to what must have been a satisfying 11-6 win after falling short of the Cubs in the NL Central.

With the loss, Colorado seized an opportunity to force a one-game tiebreaker playoff. Ubaldo Jimenez pitched the game of his life, holding the AL West winning D-Backs hitless and scoreless until the 6th. A run scored to tie the game 1-1, but the Rockies bullpen, led by Brian Fuentes, sealed off the leak with no further damage.

In the 8th, a Garrett Atkins RBI single and a 2-run double by Brad Hawpe gave Colorado what seemed at the time like an insurmountable cushion. After all, in 38 games since June 26, closer Manny Corpas had allowed just 4 ER (all on solo homers) in 37.2 innings.

Yet the Padres scored twice on an Augie Ojeda sac fly and a two-out Alberto Callaspo RBI single to draw within a run. With Colorado's chances for the postseason hanging in the balance, Arizona's Stephen Drew nubbed a grounder off the end of his bat down to third. Atkins played it on a tough hop and threw to first to seal the deal.

Now, instead of some wretched network sitcom or tired reality show, I'll be playing remote control ping pong between Rox-Padres and Pats-Bengals on MNF tomorrow night. Josh Fogg should deliver the first pitch at around 7:40 EDT on TBS. Kickoff in the Queen City is an hour later on ESPN.

Should be a blast.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Bang the drum slowly...

A thread started by my friend Kevin today in the members only section at Sons of Sam Horn stirred up some 6-year-old memories. Another friend, Steve, had to go to the hospital to have his hand checked out after punching a wall in frustration over last week's Red Sox loss to Toronto. This prompted a great discussion topic: What was your worst sports-induced physical outburst?

While I get animated and agitated when things don't go right, or when stupid moves or ineptness cost a game, I generally remain physically restrained. I might make some threatening gestures, pace heavily, or turn red in the face, but I usually won't get violent or cause physical destruction. I suppose that's good news, since I'm not exactly a small guy. Then again, my prime days of effectively throwing my weight around have been in the rear view mirror for well over a decade.

I'm also a pretty mellow drunk. I don't get overly emotional, or filled with urges to spill my guts about personal problems, or aggressive with others. But events would unfold on the first weekend of July 2001 that would put this established pattern to the test.

That summer was my fifth living in Atlanta, and my pal Wesley and I headed up the East coast on a ballpark tour July 3. We hit Durham NC for a Bulls game, spent a rainy 4th in DC, watched Yanks-Orioles at Camden, Yanks-Mets at the toilet, and Sox-Braves at Fenway on Saturday. After spending the night in New Hampshire and grabbing breakfast in Maine, we hit Cooperstown on Sunday, crashed in Harrisburg PA, and had a leisurely drive back south the next day along the eastern foot of the Appalachians.

For the most part, it was an enjoyable and uneventful trip. But Friday, July 6, was probably the most reactive I've ever gotten as a sports fan, and maybe even the most reactive I've been as a drunk.

We met up with my older brother and his neighbor, a Mets fan, and watched the Yankees issue an 8-3 beatdown on their rivals from Queens. To say I got royally fucked up during the game would be a gross understatement. I was as trashed as I'd been since my brother's stag party in '93. We were in the right field nosebleeds, at an elevation 50 feet above the top of the foul pole.

After the game we hit Stan's and then Billy's on River Street just outside the stadium. Both bars were jam-packed with obnoxiously loud retards in wife-beaters and pinstriped #2 jerseys, but we hung out, drank more beer, and followed the Sox-Braves game on one of the many TVs in the place.

Boston had entered the day trailing the Yankees in the AL East by just a half-game, somewhat of a miracle considering how they'd been decimated by injuries and handicapped by the managerial incompetence of Jimy Williams. Even before the season started they'd lost Nomar (wrist surgery), Valentin (knee), Florie (fractured eye socket & damaged retina), Saberhagen (shoulder surgery) and Juan Pena (elbow surgery). David Cone had missed a month and a half with a bum shoulder. Merloni, Stynes, Grebeck and Pichardo had all spent 2-week stints on the DL. And now they were also without El Guapo (hamstring), Schourek (elbow), Lt. Frank (strained lat), Pedro (shoulder inflammation) and Varitek, who'd fractured his elbow May 3 and was done for the year. That the Red Sox were even above .500 was a surprise.

On this day, things were looking up with the Sox leading Atlanta 3-2 heading to the 8th. I had just exited the men's room when a huge cheer went up, and I knew it wasn't something I'd be happy about. Sure enough, Chipper Jones had tied it with a leadoff solo shot off Shooter Beck that clinked off Pesky's Pole.

On to the 9th and with DLowe pitching, Furcal worked a leadoff walk. He then stole second, but overslid the bag and dislocated his shoulder, ending his season. Next, BJ Surhoff singled home pinch-runner Keith Lockhart to give the Braves a 4-3 lead. More obnoxious cheering. My mood: agitated yet reserved.

Continuing his yeoman's relief work, Lowe uncorked a wild pitch and then walked Andruw Jones. The catcalls from MFY fans grew louder and more persistent as desperation callup Sunny Kim relieved Lowe. In what can best be described as a horrifying Groundhog Day nightmare, Brian Jordan played the role of Mookie Wilson as he sent a dribbler down the first base line. Daubach did his best Billy Buck impression as the ball went right through the webbing of his glove, with Surhoff scoring to give Atlanta a 2-run cushion. Now the loud cheers were accompanied by derisive laughing and general taunting directed at any and all things Red Sox (none of us were wearing any Boston garb). My mood: fuming, while grinding my teeth and huffing when I exhaled.

On to the last of the 9th, and I'm drunk and pissed but still hopeful. The first communal "Boston Sucks" chants started when Steve Karsay caught Jose Awfulman looking at strike 3. They grew even louder after Hatteberg grounded out.

So when Trot launched a solo shot over the RF wall, I couldn't hold it in. I exploded, along with my brother and maybe 5 or 10 others at Billy's. As we all hooted, applauded and shouted "Yeah, baby!!" it was now clear to everyone who the Sox fans were. I'd lost my camouflage, but I was too drunk to give a shit. We became the targets of "Don't worry, they'll still blow it. They always do, so shut up" comments from every corner.

Moments later, the Sox tied it up. As soon as the ball left Manny's bat, I knew it was gone. With a Bud longneck in hand, I immediately began yelling "Tie game, baby!! Tie game!!" as I went to high-five each of the now-publicly-known Sox supporters and rally the troops. I never even saw the ball leave the park so I still don't recall if it went over the LF or CF wall. The Yankee fans were now feeling the heat, their vocal arrogance replaced by dismissive defiance. "You ain't won nothing yet, asshole. Talk to me when they win the ball game." My mood: Totally rejuvenated, and confident as fuck.

On to the 10th we went, with Kim still pitching. Now you'd think that any MLB pitcher would be able to retire the likes of Quilvio fucking Veras. To my dismay, Kim walked the little shit, who then stole 2nd on a hit-and-run whiff by Dave Martinez. That led to an IBB to Sufhoff, and the MFY fans regained their vociferous spirit. Even 4 gallons of beer couldn't dull my senses as pangs of uneasiness permeated my innards. They dissipated after Pichardo came in and K'd Andruw Jones for the second out. My mood: Tepidly nervous, but still confident.

Up steps Chipper Jones, and a shiver sets in when I realize there's no lefty in the pen. Recent call-up Bill Pulsipher had already been used (thanks, Jimy...) so now it's Hipolito or bust. Pichardo kept everything on the outside of the plate, as Chipper bode his time and worked a walk (the 6th by Sox pitchers in the last 1.2 innings) to load the bases. I felt the glares from about 200 pair of Bronx retard eyes as they jeered and pointed at me and the others. "Get ready! Here it comes! The trademark Boston collapse!!" My mood: angry again, jaw clenched, gripping my bottle nearly tight enough to shatter it, and straining to avoid eye contact.

The finishing blow was hardly a blow at all -- a weak single through the shortstop hole to shallow left field that scored Veras. Manny's throw to Hatteberg was in time to nail Surhoff at the plate, giving me reason to get pumped again. My newfound resolve, coupled with my inebriation, prompted me to engage several nearby Yankee taunters with "This is where we win it" retorts as I laughed off their chides.

Boston's hopes for a victory were crushed with all the drama of a falling guillotine blade, as Jose Cabrera retired Daubach on a meek grounder to 2nd and Stynes on a foul pop-up to 1st. Troy O'Leary capped off an 0-for-5 evening, and one of the worst Sox losses in 15 years, by flying out to right.

Amid more cheers, the "Boston Sucks!" chants began anew and crescendoed, while I did my best to ignore them and made my way to the end of the bar for another brew. I wasn't ready to leave, but there were no corners to hide in. And this is when I absolutely lost it.

Behind me approached a 40-ish, long-haired, bearded dude, about 5-foot-7 with a fisherman's cap and a Mexican blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Attached to a cord around his neck was a pair of bongo drums, which he was smacking in rhythm with the chant. He looked more like a hippie peace activist than a baseball fan, but I wasn't exactly in the mood for any sort of detente.

He looked right at me with a Bob Marley grin and repeatedly chanted "Boston Sucks!" in my face while bopping those drums. I responded with what Wesley later called a "Jack Nicholson in The Shining" face, and started hitting his drums in unison with him, using my clenched fists instead of my palms. And rather than chant along with his mantra, I shouted like a crazed lunatic, "Yes! I! Know!!!! Yes! I! Know!!!!", pounding the drums harder and harder on each beat with both fists simultaneously.

On my third or fourth repetition of the verse, I heard a loud pop. The hippie dude stopped smiling and looked down at his bongos, where my right fist had just punctured one of the drum heads. A wave of terror came over me, as I remembered exactly where I was -- in a Yankee bar, outside Yankee Stadium, in the heart of the Bronx, with a half-dozen MFY drunks my size or bigger within 5 feet of me. And they all had noses and chins that pretty much conveyed the "Yeah, I've been in a few street brawls" vibe.

Yet none of them intervened. In fact, they just gazed in wonder while casually moving away. Hippie dude looked up at me, his face wearing the fear of a bullied kid, and slowly backed away from me, his bongos rendered useless.

I don't remember much after that. I never saw the bongo hippie again, as I was whisked away by my entourage and back to the parking lot. It wasn't until the next morning at my brother's house that I found out how I escaped that bar not only with all my teeth intact, but still breathing. Wesley said the look in my eyes after I busted the bongos would have frightened Satan. "Dude, you looked like an unpredictable nutcase. Everybody was scared of you. At that moment you looked like you could've snapped the neck of anyone in there."

Moi? The gentle, mellow drunk?

Let that be a lesson: Be afraid, but never show it. And always strive to silence the marching music of thine enemies.


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

He has the right stuff

(This is a great article on Peter Gammons that's no longer archived, so I'm posting it here...)

He has the write stuff

By TIMOTHY GORMAN
Cape Cod Times

CATAUMET - As he gazes off his back porch in Cataumet, beyond the freshly groomed lawn and flower beds, Peter Gammons catches a glimpse of the water. It's hazy and humid and the sun is hard to find this day, but the vista is usually something out of a Corona commercial. As he describes how the sun warms the deck, it's easy to see why Gammons picked this plat of land for his vacation home. Vacation home is not what he'd call it. Vacation is a foreign word to Gammons and he certainly doesn't take vacations the way most people do.

His cell phone is always within reach and it rings often. On several occasions, an ESPN crew has come to his home to help him report on the day of Major League Baseball's trading deadline. ("I didn't even have to put my shoes on," Gammons says with a chuckle).

In the past he's been reluctant to travel to ESPN in Bristol, Conn., to report on deadline deals because it conflicted with the Cape Cod Baseball League's All-Star game. Saturday's showcase was the first time in 10 years Gammons didn't attend, but he had a good excuse.

Yesterday he was in Cooperstown, New York to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, marking a lifetime of dedication and innovation in covering the sport he loves. Gammons was honored with the J.G. Taylor Spink Award for meritorious contributions to baseball writing.

Many of Gammons' colleagues say the honor was overdue. They say it would've come sooner had he not left print media for ESPN.

"There's no sense in having a Writers' Hall of Fame if Peter isn't in it," said Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy.

Gammons, 60, has had his Cape escape since 1992. Other than the $50,000 Mercedes in the driveway, you'd never suspect someone out of the ordinary lived there.

That's another thing: Gammons would never describe himself as different or special. At heart he's just "an ink-stained wretch," a kid who fell in love with journalism and baseball.

When he worked for the Boston Globe he had a place in Maine, but since he started at ESPN, Cape Cod seemed like a better fit. It's still a hike to Bristol, but he loves the Cape and it's celebrated baseball league.

"I always loved to see young guys develop," he said. "There's such a great atmosphere around the Cape League."

Gammons and his wife, Gloria, live in a quiet neighborhood near Red Brook and Megansett Harbors. Gloria lives here for the summer while he bounces between their home in Brookline, a hotel in Bristol, and Cataumet. During his free time, he teaches a neighborhood boy to play the guitar.

Though he's not at a baseball park every day, he's just as busy as he was when he worked at The Globe. He has an office upstairs that overlooks the water and drives hundreds of miles each week between Cape Cod and Connecticut.

His commitment to baseball, Gammons says, can be tough on his personal life. "It's a tremendous strain. My friend (and ESPN colleague) Jayson Stark said to me, 'Over the last 25 years, we've talked to each other more than we've talked to our wives.' It's very hard, but it's true of any business."

Despite all the hustle and bustle in his life, he manages to keep things simple. He is humble, and when he meets a new face, he still introduces himself as Peter Gammons, assuming the person doesn't know who he is.

"You can't walk with him at spring training," said Bob Elliott, a longtime baseball writer now with the Toronto Sun. "He'd stop and sign every autograph for every kid and meet every fan."

Early last week, between preparing his Hall of Fame acceptance speech and working the phone with general managers, he generously gave his time a young reporter. He was as eager to explain his journey through Major League Baseball as he was to be honored for it.

Gammons, the youngest of four children, grew up in Groton in central Massachusetts. His father, Edward, built organs and taught music at the prestigious Groton School. His mother, Betty, loved baseball as much as he one day would.

Gammons learned to play the guitar from his father and was a pitcher in youth baseball, but other than his 1960s rock star dreams, he thought his career path would be in politics.

"Not to run, but to be in political management," Gammons said. "I was always politically active. I would go to civil rights demonstrations."

Gammons played in a couple of bands at Groton, including the Fabulous Penetrations. He loved rock music as much as he loved baseball and his writing is sprinkled with musical lyrics and cultural references.

One of his most prized possessions is an electric guitar signed by the members of Little Feat, his favorite band. It was a gift for a recent speaking engagement he did for the Brockton Rox baseball team. Gammons plans to see Little Feat play on Nantucket in August.

Gammons, Boston Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein and Boston Herald reporter Jeff Horrigan started the Hot Stove, Cool Music charity concert series in Boston. In a July event, Gammons played in a show at Fenway Park.

Gammons attended the University of North Carolina to get away from the small-town feel of New England, he said. It was there he first became interested in journalism.

"During my freshman year I was sitting next to this guy, Curry Kirkpatrick, in a bar (the drinking age was 18) and we got into an argument about the upcoming Boston Patriots-Buffalo Bills game. He was a Bills fan and I was a Patriots fan and somehow he ended up convincing me to come work at The Daily Tar Heel."

Kirkpatrick went on to a distinguished writing and broadcasting career. Gammons left UNC after his junior year and began playing with a band at The Rat in Kenmore Square in Boston. "Some people play golf, I like to play music," he said. "My voice isn't good enough to do anything except make a lot of noise."

It wasn't for him, though. He soon returned to UNC and applied for a summer internship at The Globe. In 1968, Gammons began a long tenure at the paper alongside fellow intern (and basketball Hall of Fame writer) Bob Ryan. After his first day on the job, Gammons was certain he wanted to be a writer.

Four months after the internship ended, he was offered a full-time job by then-sports editor Fran Rosa. He accepted and left school early to pursue his dream (he later finished his degree).

Gammons began covering the Red Sox in 1971 as a backup reporter for the morning edition of The Globe. Soon, he began to excel. He'd show up at Fenway at 1 p.m. for a 7 p.m. game and he was always the last to leave.

Gammons was, and is, a people person. He was a tireless worker and he gained the trust of many players and some of the most important people in baseball.

"On the road, I'd go out and shag fly balls or pitch batting practice," Gammons said. "At most clubhouses, they'd have my name on a locker.

"Carl Yastrzemski would tell me where to stand and he'd hit all the balls right to me and then he'd come out and explain to me exactly what he was trying to do. It was cathartic for him."

In 1972 Gammons began writing a Sunday baseball notes column for The Globe that was like nothing else in the newspaper business. It was one of the most widely read articles in the country and was eventually imitated by every major league beat writer.

"I think it was clear around the business Peter was doing his homework," said Vince Doria, a former Boston Globe sports editor who is now a vice president at ESPN. "A lot of guys do a lot of good shoe-leather reporting and then at some point, guys don't want to get their hands as dirty. Peter wrote columns, but he wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty."

Doria said Gammons' phone bills at the Globe were three times any other reporter's.

Gammons continued to cover the Red Sox until 1976 and became The Globe's first baseball columnist.

His game story from the sixth game of the 1975 World Series between the Red Sox and the Cincinnati Reds is now a legend throughout sports journalism. As the story goes, Gammons wrote it in 15 minutes on deadline, yet captured the moment like a poet.

In 1976, Gammons decided to try something different by moving to Sports Illustrated to cover the National Hockey League.

"I missed baseball a lot," Gammons said. "I did not have the newspaper, the everyday thing out of my blood. I had to go back."

He missed it so much he still spent a lot of time around ballparks. Shaughnessy remembers Gammons showing up in the Fenway Park press box and feeding him tidbits of information for the Sunday notes column, which Shaughnessy had taken over.

"He shared everything," Shaughnessy said. "He shared information and phone numbers, he was always willing to help. When I started, I relied on him heavily."

Gammons returned to The Globe in 1978, but left again for a second stint at SI in 1986, this time to cover baseball.

In 1988, Gammons began to split time between SI and his new job as a TV analyst for ESPN. Like longtime Globe football guru, Will McDonough, the information he acquired was too good for TV to pass up.

Gammons' success began a trend of the best print reporters in the country moving into television.

Ned Gammons misses the old version of his brother, the one that covered the Red Sox and had at least two stories every day in The Globe.

"It's too bad that some of his best writing has been overlooked because there's hardly anybody who didn't read those blasted notes," said Ned, now a retired minister in Rhode Island. "He was really good at writing game stories. The first game story he ever wrote was some of his best writing."

Ned has a scrapbook his mother, Betty, started in the 1960s. It contains what he considers Peter's best writing and he occasionally adds to it, though Peter writes mostly online now.

Still, he knows the Peter Gammons who was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame yesterday is a writer, not a TV analyst. Gammons' acceptance speech in Cooperstown was proof of that.

For all the technology of cell phones and laptops and 24-hour instant news, he rose to the moment and captured his career with elegant writing.

"I can remember sending a story from a Western Union office. They had these little machines like copy machines that would send them out. It was a long way off from laptops," Gammons said. "When I go into the Hall of Fame, I'm going as an ink-stained wretch."


Sunday, August 07, 2005

Departing words

I certainly didn't plan to have two consecutive blog entries, spaced more than two months apart, focusing on morbid topics. But sometimes the dice just roll that way.

An 81-year-old man died on Thursday in Boston. He'd been in a car crash in Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts, the previous afternoon, was extricated by rescue crews using the Jaws of Life, and was then medflighted with massive injuries to a hospital over 50 miles away. But the efforts of medical staffers were futile, and he passed away between 1:00 and 2:00 AM.

No big deal, right? People die in accidents on a daily basis. It's the seemingly natural ebb and flow of modern life, and a common byproduct of risk. Traveling in vehicles at high velocities challenges a human body's limits when a collision occurs.

But this one was different. For his family, his friends, his former co-workers. And for me -- even though I'd never met the man or any of those closest to him.

You see, I started a new job a month and a half ago as a reporter for the local paper down here on the Cape. One of my "beats" is the town of Bourne, and when someone dies around here in such a tragic way it's big news for the small town press corps and its readers.

I got the call -- the "tip", if you will -- at about 3:30 PM from a guy in the Army Corps of Engineers who helps monitor and maintain the Cape Cod Canal. And just like that, I had another story to file. Since we publish on Friday, this was a deadline story.

A police sergeant filled me in on the details of the accident. He'd tried to turn his '99 Buick onto a two-lane road that serves as a bypass around downtown Buzzards Bay, but was sideswiped on the driver's side by a contractor's Ford Econoline van. The van wasn't speeding, but the limit on that stretch of road is 45 mph. No citations would be issued, and it was simply an unfortunate tragedy.

After notifying my editors, I started gathering some info on this man. The guy from the Corps had said the man's daughter was the tax collector in town. Folks at the town hall willingly gave me her home phone number and assured me that she would want others to know about him -- who he was, what he did for the town, and what he meant to the family.

So what do you say to a total stranger who's just lost her father without having had a chance to say goodbye? How could I be so damned insensitive as to just call her up and start ferreting details about her dad's life?

I didn't like this idea -- at all. There was something invasive about it, and I felt dirty. I envisioned myself as one of those detestable TV reporters who sticks a microphone in a grieving mother's face, asking coldly and bluntly "How do you feel about your child's death?"

The tension in my chest as I punched in the phone number on my keypad was palpable. After three rings that seemed to be spaced a half-hour apart, a woman answered.

"... ... ... Hello?"

Her voice was soft and quivering. And I started hating myself for what I was about to do. I stammered at first, but finally spit out the words as gently as I could.

"I... I'm looking for Kathy..." I said.

"Speaking..." she quietly replied. Even in that one word her voice had a mournful tone that was meshed with confusion -- as if she didn't recognize the caller, but figured it was someone wishing to offer condolences.

I gave her my name and told her which paper I was with, adding "I'm so sorry for your loss..."

"Thank you..." she said, even more softly this time.

"I know this must be a difficult time," I said, "but I was hoping you could tell me a little bit about him and his life."

At that, she burst into tears over the phone. I didn't realize that magnifying someone's grief was part of my job.

"He was such a wonderful man..." she told me, her voice choking. Kathy began filling my ear with rich details about her dad. I learned that he'd lived in town his entire life. When the Bourne Bridge over the canal had officially opened in 1933, he had been among the first to march across it -- playing a drum with the high school band at the age of 9.

Her father had been a police officer in town, then a service manager for a local car dealership, and a custodian for the town schools.

I learned about the wife and six other children he left behind when he passed away that morning. I also heard about an eight child, a son and ex-marine, whom he'd lost to Hodgkins Disease in 1967 at age 20.

After about ten minutes, Kathy said they were getting ready to head to the funeral home to make arrangements. I thanked her for her time and again offered my condolences as gently as I could. It didn't take me much longer than ten minutes to write the article on the accident.

A half-hour later when my editor asked me to write the gentleman's obituary. It seemed at first like some sort of on-the-job training ritual, but I soon learned that the funeral home wouldn't have their version prepared until the next morning: too late for us to publish it.

All the details Kathy had provided now had a place. As scant as they were, they soon came together to form a portrait of the man. But as I typed I realized that this was something Kathy and her family would read. They'd probably clip out several copies and save them in scrapbooks, along with that article I'd written. And right there at the top of it, under the big block letters blurting out this man's final fate, would be my name in a byline, preserved for generations of this man's descendants to see.

In the news business, her father was just a blip on the radar screen, just one of thousands of waves that travel across an ocean before collapsing lifelessly on the sandy shore. Three days later, I feel a little like I've lost a member of my own family. And now I wonder how long it takes a reporter to lose this feeling.

How many more of these stories will I have to write, and how many calls to bereaved loved ones will I have to make, before a person's death becomes just another ho-hum event to fill out a page at deadline?

I'm not looking forward to finding the answer.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend


The writing had been on the wall for a while, but the inevitability didn't strike me until just a few days ago. And now, the finality is tougher to deal with than I thought it would be.

Andy's gone, hopefully to a better place where he can eat tuna and turkey every day, watch grosbeaks, chickadees and wrens flutter from limb to limb, and even catch the occasional mole or chipmunk. It'd be nice if he could rest on a rug in front of a warm, crackling fire with his eyes closed and paws tucked underneath his forelimbs, the picture of contentment. With luck, he'll have woods to explore and wildflowers to sniff, and a large patch of sand where he can "do his business".

A large black shorthair with bright green eyes and just a patch of white on the front of his neck, Andy and I had first met back in 1993 in West Springfield at the old polymer plant which bordered the rail yard. An odd place for a cat to be hanging around for sure, and it was soon clear he'd been abandoned. He found his way in through one of the doors the night crew would leave open for fresh air. The guys on 3rd shift soon took a liking to him, feeding him pieces of their eggplant grinders, hunks of pizza, a piece of balogna here, some roast beef there. They named him "Regrind", which is the industry term for plastic parts and scraps that have been ground back up for recycling and reuse.



Over the next few weeks he spent the days sleeping around the offices on the hallway carpets, or a vacant chair. He was living high, with everyone bringing him milk, Friskies, Meow Mix, and Star-Kist. Soon he seemed to want to spend most of his time near my desk, maybe because my office lacked a ceiling heat vent and was equipped with a space heater on the floor. He wasn't terribly affectionate at first, and seemed almost mistrustful of outstretched hands and fingers. I was certain he'd been abused at some point.

With Memorial Day weekend approaching, our plant manager Michele said something to me that changed this cat's fate: "You know, we're going to be shut down for 4 days, and the night crew won't be in until 11 pm on Monday, so this guy's either staying in here or out there. Why don't YOU take him home?"

Well, I had plans to visit my dad's family in Maine so it just didn't seem possible. But the more I thought about what might happen to him, the more convinced I became that I might be his only hope.

So that Thursday I put him in a large box with plenty of air holes, and carted him up to the Mount Holyoke Animal Hospital. While I headed north to Maine, they kept him for the weekend giving him a bath (he was filthy), an exam, all his shots, and treatment for ear mites -- not to mention the removal of his manhood. When I picked him up 5 days later and $370 lighter in the wallet, he was a brand new cat. They estimated his age at between 3 and 5 but most likely on the older end. Ironically it was the day after Memorial Day -- 12 years ago -- when he came home with me.

He adapted quickly to indoor apartment life at Maple Crest. I was on the 2nd floor with a large balcony, so I'd leave the screen open enough for him to head in and out at his whim. During the warmer months, I'd accompany him outside on the grounds so he could survey the landscape a bit, but I wasn't comfortable letting him roam free. The litter box was second nature to him, and he loved to sleep under the large potted plants in the living room where the sun warmed the floor, or under the covers of the heated waterbed (yes, I actually had one of those...)

When I needed to travel and didn't have anyone around to check in on him, I'd board him back at Mount Holyoke. Each individual cage had access to its own fenced-in outdoor runner so he could still get his fresh air and explore the grass whenever he wanted, with sunny and shaded areas. Whenever I'd return to pick him up, he'd recognize my voice from the next room and would start meowing incessantly.



The name was an issue, though. I really didn't want a pet with a name that reminded me of my job. I toyed with several alternatives, even asking my 5-year-old niece Arianna for suggestions, but there was no way a 27-year-old guy was going to have a black cat named "Shadow"...

The solution came as I cooked dinner one night. I had the TV turned up loud so I could hear it over the clamor of clanging pots and pans and running tap water. Next thing I knew the Andy Griffith Show was starting, and when the cat heard the whistling of the theme he started meowing. Within seconds he had gone over to the TV and was actually on his hind legs, sniffing the TV speaker. And just like that, it was settled.

Andy it was, and Andy it would be.

I did my best to keep him active with exercise, and I don't know of any other cat that would fetch. While he'd crouch around a corner or behind the plants or furniture, I'd bounce a tennis ball off the floor towards the wall. Andy would then spring out of nowhere like Dr. J. trying to block a shot, knocking the ball down and then chasing it. Often his claws would catch the fibers on the outside of the ball and he'd snag it from mid-air. I was always amazed at how high he could jump, and he'd eagerly do this a couple dozen times before he'd tire out.

He also loved to wrestle and attack my hand and forearm, which would often end up with everal gouges and deep scratches from his teeth and claws, even while wearing long-sleeved shirts. His pupils would darken and grow wide, and he'd keep coming back for more even if I'd had enough. But as soon as I'd scratch him behind the ears, he'd realize the roughhousing was over and the purring would start.

Two years after adopting him I was promoted to corporate in Cheshire, CT, so Andy and I took up residence in the Town Plot neighborhood in Waterbury. He made the hour journey sitting on a blanket in the passenger seat of my Taurus -- no box, no cage, no nothing. During the trips to the vet for boarding I'd learned that unlike most cats, he definitely liked going for rides.

The condo I had there was at ground level with a deck off the back doors facing the woods. Finally, after only being allowed supervised visits outside to sniff the grass at my old place, he could return to being an outdoor cat. The deck was about 3 feet above ground, which allowed him to jump up and down when he pleased. But big as he was, I had to remove one of the wooden slats in the deck railing so he could fit through it.

It wasn't long before he established his dominance among the other felines roaming the complex. One morning my neighbor reported her cat, Smokey, had come home with his tail draging, some cuts and gouges on his face and a few swatches of hair missing from his coat. I knew right away it was Andy's work since he'd come in with tufts of gray fur stuck in his claws, and not a scratch on him.

Another night, I fell asleep watching TV on the couch with the porch door open, and I'd forgotten to close the screen. I awoke to a loud howling and after fumbling to get a light on, I saw that a small tiger angora had made the mistake of encroaching on the wrong turf -- and Andy was about 3 feet from him with every hair standing up on end. Before I could separate them, he lunged, the two of them rolling a couple times on the carpet as fur flew everywhere. The smaller cat broke free momentarily and ran -- in the wrong direction, toward the bedrooms. Andy followed in hot pursuit, but I threw my blanket over him to keep him at bay while I evicted the dazed and unfortunate trespasser. More fur stuck under the claws, different color.



After 3 years in Connecticut I'd decided to move on. A couple of co-workers and I were going to start our own business, and Atlanta was the place we chose. I elected to rent in the suburb of Duluth, and to conserve finances I moved myself in a U-Haul while towing my car on a trailer. Sure enough, there was Andy resting comfortably on the passenger seat, his litter box on the floor in front of him, unfettered by the obnoxious noise in the cab. In the cargo area was my new mattress and box spring, part of the new bedroom set I acquired after his claws had punctured the waterbed mattress. He actualy did me a favor on that one.

With concerns over traffic, I foolishly decided that Andy would become an indoor cat again, with access to the covered 2nd floor porch overlooking the pool. Right below were the shaded garden and fountains. I figured that would be entertainment enough. But right from the start I was traveling frequently, having the girls in the office feed him and scoop his litter, so he wasn't just indoors -- he was alone quite a bit. I paid the price for Andy's solitary confinement when I brought new furniture into the abode -- the back corners of the sofa and recliner were torn to shreds within weeks. Whereas most other cat owners would have dropped him in a lake with a rock tied to his tail, I knew I'd screwed him by (A) moving him away from his comfort zone, (B) Leaving him with nothing to do but listen to the radio, look out the window and sleep, and (C) denying him the chance to explore his new surroundings.



But I still wasn't going to make him an outdoor cat. Nope, I had other ideas. Two years later, when I moved to the north Atlanta neighborhood of Buckhead, I got more new furniture. But this time I had Andy de-clawed, which is something I still regret. Sure, I saved my furniture, but if I had it to do over again it would have been when he was much younger. Frankly, he'd responded much better to his castration. It took him quite a while to adjust to life without claws, and I'm really not sure he ever did.



But Andy got his revenge on me in other ways. Furballs became more frequent, and throwing up became a regular ordeal. But he wouldn't do it on the kitchen with the easily-cleaned tile. Nope, it was always the carpet, and DuPont Stainmaster was simply no match for Andy's regurgitated foodstuffs.

But he wasn't done. Somehow he got a cut on the bridge of his nose which scabbed over. But the next time he cleaned himself he'd knock off the scab. Lather, rinse, repeat. The result was numerous little dots of blood everywhere he went. The vet said there was little they could do because the area was so rich in blood vessels. So I made what some would term a foolish choice - rather than kicking him to the curb, I decided to hold onto my pal Andy, and paid for new carpeting when it was time to move.



It was two years ago that I decided to leave the plastics industry after more than a decade and a half. I was burned out, I missed my family, and I missed New England. My parents were getting along in years and I wanted to be closer to them. Ditto for my 4 nieces, all growing like weeds. So Andy and I were once again sharing the cab in the U-Haul for his longest drive yet -- all the way to Falmouth, MA.

Despite the everpresent threat of coyotes, I decided to say "screw it" and started letting Andy roam around by day. The place borders a salt marsh, and there were plenty of woods and water for him to explore. Right from the start the little guy loved it here -- he could bask on the deck in the sun, retreat to the cool shade of the oaks and poplars, or check out the salt water habitat. And since the marsh is a bird sanctuary, he got to see dozens upon dozens of species here. At first, he was enthralled by all the activity. Pretty soon it became old hat.



He'd spend the nights indoors, and in the evening he'd always want to jump on my lap while I was in my reclining office chair, usually when I was typing away feverishly at something. But I'd rarely turn him away. He'd rest, purring gently, with his front paws and chin on my left shoulder, and I became adept at reaching around his torso to type with my left hand.

He started to slow down with the onset of last winter. I just chalked it up to his weight and age. He'd always hovered around that 20-22 pound mark, but he could still sprint up those stairs at chow time. Still, it had been in the back of my mind since November that he was probably on his last legs. But he hunkered down with me through the blizzards, the north winds and the frigid air that would find their way through the cracks and crevices of this sparsley insulated summer home.



Nothing really changed until early last week. Andy was suddenly only nibbling at his food but was drinking a lot of water and just seemed generally disoriented. He was no longer grooming himself, aside from a half-hearted effort to lick his front paws. I brushed him daily to work out the snarls in his matted fur, especially on his chest and belly. Andy also stopped jumping up on my lap -- he'd merely sit at the side of my chair and meow, weakly, waiting for me to lift him up. With his body next to my ear, I could sense his breathing was much shallower and had slowed quite a bit. Lethargy was taking over, and I knew I'd have to prepare for it.

By Wednesday, he didn't even want to come indoors. I decided to move his litter box outside, placing it on the deck for him to access more easily. It was clear he no longer had the energy to venture to his usual spots for that sort of thing. He never spent another night inside again, preferring to rest outside in the cool salt air.

The first hole I'd dug, down near the marsh inlet on Friday afternoon, turned out not to be such a good idea. Even before the rains came later that evening, the brackish water had seeped in from the front turning it into a mud puddle. So instead it was up the small hill I went, behind the house, between the large overhanging oak and the row of hemlock and pine that serves as a backdrop to the sloping rock garden. I'd figured there'd be too many roots, and there were certainly quite a few, but a spade can cut through most anything when driven down with enough force. His grave was ready yesterday afternoon.

Early this morning I headed to the beach and picked out a large flat rock to be used as a marker, washing the sand and debris off of it with sea water. For the next 2 hours I had to fight off the denial that his end was nearing. People who say "It's only a cat" simply don't understand, nor do I expect them to. My hand was trembling as I picked up the phone and dialed Dr. Olmsted at 8:30. After confirming that I was indeed ready to go through with it, he said I could come in later in the afternoon -- or before 9 when his first appointments were scheduled. There was no way I was going to be able to handle another 8 hours. The time had come.

I headed to the cellar and cut the flaps from a cardboard box that once held my DVD player, and put a litter liner inside it. I'd be using that box for Andy's final ride, on the return trip from the vet, and I placed it in the back seat. When I went outside, Andy had gotten up and was making his way, staggering a bit, to his litter box. He tripped over the edge of it but righted himself and emptied his bladder. When he was done, I grabbed a pet wipe and cleaned his paws, then used another wipe for the rest of his coat.

His kitty bed was already in the passenger seat, with a hefty bag under it to prevent any accident. I headed back up the steps, picked him up, and walked the yard with him one last time. When we got to the marsh, he gave me a look that seemed to say "thanks for everything, pal", and he rubbed his head under my chin. He was purring for the first time in 4 days. The last stop was the flowering bush at the front of the rock garden. I held him close to one of the blossoms, and he gave it a few good sniffs.

The 4-mile ride to the vet was without incident. I had to steady him with my right hand, since he didn't have the strength to balance himself when I rounded a curve or hit the brakes. It was just the 3 of us at the vet's office, and I handed the doc 40 bucks in cash since I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it afterwards. After setting him on the table, I chatted casually with the vet while petting Andy and trying to keep him relaxed in this strange environment. He lacked the energy to do anything frantic, but he was clearly uneasy.

Andy let out his final meow -- louder than I'd expected -- when he was injected with the sedative. It acted within minutes as I stroked him behind the ears. Soon, the only sign of life was his faint breathing. His eyes had glazed over and his tongue was out. The final injection was straight into his heart, and that was that. If the vets back at Mount Holyoke were correct, he was between 16 and 18 when he passed. It was 9:14 AM -- less than 6 hours ago -- when he exhaled for the last time.

The walk back to the car with my buddy in a box was one of the longest I've ever had to take. But after driving back home, the 30 steps I took from the car door to that hole in the ground as I carried him were even longer. I'd been keeping everything in and it all came out as I dropped to my knees, helpless. I pet him a few more times, gave him a little kiss on the head, and then rested him on the bed of leaves I'd put in the hole. More leaves went on top, and I feverishly began shoveling the dirt over him. I simply couldn't let it linger. His spot on this earth is now marked by that large flat rock I culled from the beach some 3 hours before his death.

Over the course of his life with me, Andy the cat traveled a minimum of 3,000 miles by vehicle through at least 12 states. He got to ride in a Taurus, 2 Maximas, a Mercedes, 2 U-Hauls, and a Camry. He met most of my buddies and all of my girlfriends over the past dozen years, and his reaction to them was a pretty reliable barometer of compatability. He was there when I got my first gray hairs, and also when I started losing most of them. Andy had become more affectionate and more trusting towards me over the years, and the bond was mutual. Through all the ups and downs, he always was what a good pet should be -- a comforting presence.

Rest in peace, little guy. I'll be seeing you sooner than you think.


Thursday, February 10, 2005

The little engine that can't



I never went to business school, so maybe I’m just extra-special stupid or something.
But it seems to me that if a company is operating as a pure monopoly, yet is somehow losing $500 million a year, there are serious issues that need to be addressed. And if that company happens also to receive a substantial amount in state and federal subsidies, things become a little more complicated.

Generally, when a government-funded program isn’t profitable, it’s usually because it was classified as either an essential service for the good of the public majority, or an entitlement for a select minority. Amtrak has proven to be both, which brings a conundrum when debating its fate. The passenger rail conglomerate participates in virtually every major metropolitan commuter rail system, while at the same time operating sparsely traveled national and regional route systems that have hemorrhaged cash for decades.

President Bush has had enough. His proposed budget for 2006 wipes out the $1.2 billion subsidy that has allowed Amtrak to continue operations despite massive fiscal losses. He does, however, earmark a $360 million reserve to cover commuter operations (primarily in the Northeast) should Amtrak go belly-up:

"Amtrak would quickly enter bankruptcy, which would likely lead to the elimination of inefficient operations and the reorganization of the railroad through bankruptcy procedures ... Ultimately, a more rational passenger rail system would emerge, with service on routes where there is real ridership demand and support from local governments"

The reaction from his opponents has been vocal. People are actually shocked that our President is trying to practice some fiscal prudence. ''It'll be another one of these fights about how much we're cutting when we should be talking about increasing funding for passenger rail service," said former Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis (more on him later...)

Amtrak President David Gunn, who is paid $275,000 annually for his alleged executive management skills, termed the cuts "irresponsible and a surprising disappointment”.

You want to know what’s really a disappointment? We’ve been traveling down this road (errr, track) for 35 years.

Amtrak was created by Congress in 1970, ironically as a for-profit entity. It was granted a monopoly in passenger rail service and bequeathed national track usage, while gaining priority access to these tracks over freight trains.

Fast-forward 26 years to the passage of the Amtrak Reform and Accountability Act of 1997. American taxpayers had already fed the iron-riding behemoth $22 billion in federal subsidies, not to mention untold hundreds of millions in state funding. In April 1998, Republican Governor Christine Todd Whitman of New Jersey was elected chairman of the 11-member Amtrak Reform Council. Her first proposal was to hire professional consultants to study the long-term viability of Amtrak. The initiative fell on the deaf ears of the Democratic-led congress, who felt they knew just as much about choo-choo's as anyone else, and Whitman resigned her post six months later.

The ARC seats were eventually filled with liberal gladhanders, including the aforementioned Mr. Dukakis, who followwed the congressional conga line of extravagant spenders. Long past the time when any prudent business manager would have pulled the plug, the leadership on the left decided it would make tremendous sense to keep funneling an additional $2.2 billion per year to Amtrak.

As one can see, the results have been an overwhelming success.

With a minimal amount of digging and some rudimentary spreadsheet work, the company’s recent financials (which are available online) revealed some interesting items:

  • During fiscal 2004, Amtrak had between 15% and 20% of its locomotives out of service during 11 of 12 months.

  • Amtrak’s fiscal 2004 budget was predicated upon an on-time rate of 85%, a number which hasn’t exceeded 74% in any month over that period, and was as low as 63% in July.

  • Amtrak’s expenses for fiscal 2004 were $1.744 billion. 65% of this cost was labor and wages for their 24,844 employees – an average of $45,673 per worker.

  • For November, Amtrak reported over $10 million in aged accounts receivable past 90 days, representing 11.4% of the total. Another $5.3 million (6.1%) is aged past 60 days.

  • There were 40,817,000 airline passenger boardings in October 2004, an increase of 5.6% over October 2003. Meanwhile, Amtrak boarded 2,114,000 passengers in October 2004, a mere 7,000 more than the same period a year ago.

  • Of Amtrak’s 43 operating routes, 23 saw a decline in October 2004 ridership from a year ago – including 10 of its 15 long distance trains.

  • Amtrak operates 24 short-distance routes, 19 of which are state-supported. Eight of these routes saw less than 10,000 passengers in October 2004 – 7 of them state-supported.

  • For the fiscal year-to-date as of November 2004, Amtrak reported average ticket prices of $49.19, a drop of nearly 2% from the prior year. Yet Amtrak executives had seen fit to budget an increase of 0.4%.

  • Amtrak operates in 46 of the 50 states. In 19 of them, less than 10,000 passengers boarded per month in 2004, yet Amtrak’s expenses there were over $100 million. (This figure doesn’t include the operations at a heavy maintenance facility in Indiana, one of three maintained by Amtrak nationwide). A dozen of those states had less than 5,000 riders per month, with over $60 million expended.

The on-time performance data in the reports is particularly intriguing. Despite the chronic downtime of its own equipment, Amtrak officials place primary blame for their frequent tardiness on the freight lines that share the limited track space. But freight carriers certainly experience similar delays on their end due to Amtrak, and at a much higher cost. At least rail passngers have other options. Meanwhile manufacturers and distributors, which are dependent on rail and have no viable alternative for what are often high-density liquids and bulk materials, are left with operations idle or lagging behind as they await replenishment of stocks. Such delays have a direct economic impact on American industrial productivity. The rail passenger, on the other hand, might be a little late for the start of their vacation, or for Aunt Mabel's funeral.

It’s not too difficult to see what’s happening here. For over a third of a century, Amtrak has been systematically flushing taxpayers’ money down the toilet in the hope of saving an outdated, outmoded, and lightly traveled national transit system. On top of this, funds continue to be appropriated for long-distance train routes that aren’t just loss leaders – they’re losers, period.

Each and every one of the 14 long-distance routes operates in the red, and has done so from the outset. In 2004, the combined bloodletting was nearly $600 million, and total ridership was less than 300,000 passengers per month. Thirteen routes are losing $100 or more per passenger. In 2001, the Texas Eagle route, running from Chicago to San Antonio, was receiving a per-passenger subsidy of $258. Said Democratic Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson in 2003:

"We've never given Amtrak a real chance. We've starved it to death."

Her fellow Texan, Republican Pete Sessions, replied:

"It's a lot cheaper to send a limo to someone's house, take them to Love Field, fly them to El Paso or Phoenix, and have a limo waiting for them on the other end," Mr. Sessions said. "It does not even pass a smell test of common sense."
Let’s take a look at one of the railroad's most renowned and romanticized cross-country routes. On Amtrak’s “Facts” page, they proudly trumpet the Sunset Limited which “at 2,768 miles...between Orlando and Los Angeles is the longest Amtrak intercity passenger train route.” What they don’t tell you is that only 6,135 passengers rode this train last October. That’s less than 200 per day paying a $218 one-way fare. Meanwhile, the route lost $2.7 million that month, which amounts to a loss of $440 per passenger. Rather than charge riders for their tickets, the conductor could’ve just handed them each a check for 222 bucks and sent them back home. Hell, I’d take that deal.

Not that there aren’t worthy elements of Amtrak’s operations. The Acela Express profited nearly $100 million in fiscal 2004, a margin of nearly $30 per passenger. The Metroliner, while less profitable, nonetheless ran in the black last year. Both are in the northeast corridor, which has 47% of Amtrak's riders. And that's where the President’s $360 million reserve comes in. These routes are profitable due to the strong regional demand, and not because of how Amtrak is running them. Rather, they're succeeding in the face of egregious mismanagement and corporate waste.

So what would happen if Amtrak comes to an end? Well, for one thing, the nation’s airlines and bus services would be tickled pink. Peter Picknelly, chairman of Peter Pan Bus Lines in Springfield, Mass., recently stated “the intercity bus industry could easily pick up that slack and we would do it with zero taxpayer assistance.” So instead of having empty trains and half-full buses criss-crossing the nation, we’d have mostly full buses operating at greater efficienies. The bus lines would turn higher profits, which would mean more federal tax money to help pay down the debt -- or fund the next Democratic boondoggle.

Meanwhile, rail operations would be refocused where there's sufficient demand to justify the expense – in the BosNyWash corridor, along the West Coast where ridership is fairly strong, and in metropolitan commuter lines. This is clearly the most sensible approach. The days of Arlo Guthrie happily singing about the train they call “The City of New Orleans”, while riding it at the colossal expense of taxpayers, would be over.

As with many federally created and funded programs, there's never much incentive to improve on things. The adolescent, whose requests for an increase in his allowance are granted without batting an eyelash, becomes conditioned to maintain the status quo and keep on tugging on Dad's pantleg. The time to draw a line in the sand with Amtrak and enforce some discipline is well overdue.

Yes, it’s sad to see trains losing their once-prominent role in American transportation. I’ll bet the demise of the stagecoach and the Pony Express were equally discouraging. But time marches onward, demographics shift, and technologies become more efficient and affordable. Let's leave the nostalgia for the museums, and for companies like Lionel.

President Bush is clearly on the right track.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

A familiar ring to it



YAWN...

I know what you're thinking. Sunday's Super Bowl kept me up too late, and cost me some much-needed sleep. The festivities of the day, replete with booze and splendor as the Patriots dispatched the Philadelphia Eagles, stretched the limits of my endurance. And after attempting to recover in a semi-conscious state on Monday, this afternoon's ensuing rally that rolled through the streets of Boston likewise must have left me all plumb tuckered out.

But that's not why I'm tired.

Rather, I'm weary of the incessant whining, complaining, and self-centered attitudes that permeate the sports world. Even in the midst of New England's third textbook definition of "teamwork" in the last four years, broadcast yet again to a global audience, the festering wound still bleeds.

Like an evasive mosquito that just keeps buzzing in your ear, Lawyer Milloy is back as "Norma Rae". And he's trying to prevent his former teammates, who he apparently believes are brainwashed devotees of the Guyana People's Temple, from drinking the poisoned beverage being served up by Patriots head coach Bill Belichick (aka Jim Jones). The former all-pro safety offered up the following tidbits recently:

"Everybody is saying this is a team thing (in New England), and it's really taking away from the players and the individual accolades and all of that..."

"... The more they focus on 'We don't have any stars' and all of that, the more you get overlooked as far as individual accolades and contracts."


It gets better:
"Some of those guys, I think, are underpaid," Milloy said. "It's always been a team thing getting thrown around there, but if some of those guys would test the market, being a champion that they've been, they could really go out there and make top dollar. But for some reason, they want to stay. And that's good. But the other part is (making sure) your family is stable after football is all done. You can't feed your family off of Super Bowl rings."

These choice words come courtesy of an interview of Milloy on Boston's WEEI radio a few weeks ago, whichi I happened to be listening to live, and were the topic of a column this week by Leo Roth of the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle. On the afternoon portion of the Dale & Neumy show, Milloy was clearly bitter, sounding like Marion Barry when the FBI busted into his hotel room. The former all-pro safety carried on his end of the conversation through his speakerphone, a demonstrative gesture of defiance usually reserved for the corporate world when a frugal VP of procurement wants a 20% price reduction from a vendor. The program hosts simply sat back as Milloy muttered his sour-pussed, kick-the-dirt, "they're keeping us down" moans and groans. I kept waiting for him to cry "Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!", or exclaim "No Fairsies!"

The mantra was old before that interview. Today it's encrusted with dinosaur dung.

As you may recall, Milloy was embroiled in a public and rather messy salary dispute with the Patriots in mid-2003. His attitude made it a constant distraction during training camp that summer, and a boon for the hungry local media throng anxious for some filth. The club resolved the issue by releasing Milloy -- just five days before the start of the regular season. He quickly signed on with the Buffalo Bills.

The majority of players drafted and signed by the Pats under the Bill Belichick/Scott Pioli regime have stuck around. Of those who've left, Milloy's been the only griper. After his signing with the Lions, we didn't hear anything from Damien Woody but praise & gratitude. He understands it's a business, and is quite thankful that his tenure with the Pats helped him get a huge payday in Detroit.

Meanwhile, the Patriots have continued to shuttle some pretty decent players into Foxboro, and many have arrived of their own free will. Yet there've been no audible complaints from any of them. In fact it's been just the opposite.

And if you think Josh Miller and Keith Traylor are happy now, having won a championship in their inaugural season with the team, just wait until they see the rings. I hear they're durn purty, and that each one could comfortably feed a family of six.

All-pro kicker Adam Vinatieri certainly could've left for more coins in the piggy bank. So could Ted Johnson, Troy Brown, Joe Andruzzi, Tedy Bruschi, Larry Izzo, Mike Vrabel, and Willie McGinest. But they've stayed in New England, and now they've assembled a rather nice jewelry collection.

News flash, Lawyer. The Patriots aren't just drinking the Kool-Aid. It's a veritable chug-a-lug festival in Foxboro, Massachusetts. Bring on the frauleins and oom-pah bands.

They're the World Champion New England Patriots, and they're damn glad to meet you.


Friday, January 28, 2005

Abuzz over Buster



He's just a rabbit. Poor little guy probably just wants to nibble on some lettuce, snooze in a pile of cedar shavings, and do all those other wild things that rabbits do.

Apparently "hanging out children who have lesbian parents" is one of them. And the Christian right has come out fighting, determined to keep the little varmint caged with children of traditional parental households and nobody else. What righteous and proper rabbit would dare to do otherwise?

It all started with the animated children's show Postcards from Buster, a spinoff from the popular Arthur kids series. In "Postcards", which airs on PBS, Buster visits with real-life kids and their families in different parts of the country while being exposed to their cultural heritage, ways of life, and local traditions. Recent airings have seen Buster learning everything from
Mexican cooking to Tai Chi, from Native American drumming to Norwegian dance.

But in an episode not yet aired, the furry critter heads to Vermont to visit and learn about farming and maple sugaring. Two of the friends he meets happen to have lesbian parents, and both couples appear in the episode. And that's what raised the ire of Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings:
"Many parents would not want their young children exposed to the lifestyles portrayed in the episode," Spellings wrote in a letter sent Tuesday to Pat Mitchell, president and chief executive officer of PBS.
The network has decided not to distribute the episode to its affiliates, though PBS management claims it's for reasons unrelated to the Secretary's comments. Somehow I doubt it's a coincidence. WGBH in Boston, which produces the show, is one of 13 stations that will move forward with plans to broadcast it.

Though I'm far from a regular viewer, I've caught enough snippets of the Buster series to opine that, like Arthur, it's a tremendously positive show for kids. Buster seems to do a great job of exposing children to the diversity of peoples in our society, and the Vermont episode seems a fairly benign extension of that principle. There's no evidence that any outward vulgarity or promiscuity is displayed, nor anything sexually suggestive, in this episode or any other.

Postcards from Buster, along with Arthur, was created by Marc Brown, who released the following statement:
"I am disappointed by PBS's decision not to distribute the 'Postcards From Buster' episode to public television stations. What we are trying to do in the series is connect kids with other kids by reflecting their lives. In some episodes, as in the Vermont one, we are validating children who are seldom validated. We believe that 'Postcards From Buster' does this in a very natural way - and, as always, from the point of view of children."
Response from Democrats has also been swift, though they didn't pass up the opportunity to get in their jabs on tangential issues. DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe stated that Secretary Spellings was ''confined to a very narrow and selfish agenda if her first action in office is to threaten an American institution like PBS. While America's schools are crumbling and our students are falling behind in basic skills, Republicans in Washington are too busy pursuing an intolerant agenda to try to solve the real problems."

I'm quite certain the coming days will bring more comments in similar partisan veins from both sides of the aisle. But for now, we have the newly appointed and sworn Secretary of Education feeling duty-bound to throw in her two cents on the issue. As she should.

Similarly, activists and lobbying groups from the bible belt, as well as from the Hollywood- influenced left-leaning visual arts industry,
will soon try to gain some elbow room in the Capitol. Most of them have no idea what Buster even looks like, yet they will feel compelled to air their views. As they should.

And many citizens, including those without children and those who've never watched the show, have been bombarding their local PBS outlets to support or decry the show's content. As they should.

So why should all these seemingly uninvolved yet meddling forces be allowed to interfere with the programming choices of a television network? The common thread that ties everything together is government funding. Postcards from Buster is produced with subsidies from the federal "Ready-to-Learn" program. As such, those in charge of overseeing the distribution and proper use of these funds, including the Secretary, have a duty to maintain an active interest in the content they subsidize. They are, after all, stewards of the federal taxpayers -- the ones picking up a substantial chunk of the tab for Buster, Frontline, Nova, and many other programs airing on PBS stations nationwide. The federal tax base includes both individual and corporate contributors, which is where the lobbyists and individual citizens come in. Their voices will, and should, be heard.

However, the real flap shouldn't be about lesbian couples on TV. Instead we should be assessing the role of government-funded television in society. The Corporation for Public Broadcasting was established by Congress in 1967, when American television was strictly a three-network circus. When PBS was formed under CPB's funding wing in 1969, its two original primary objectives were programming diversity and a commercial-free platform.

These days nearly every PBS show has multiple sponsors, and they all seem to be getting more than just a cursory mention. At the beginning and end of every This Old House episode, for example, we're treated to mini-commercials for Home Depot, Andersen Windows, GMC Trucks, and State Farm Insurance. And how could we forget the regular pledge drives, where several programs are interrupted up to four times an hour so station personnel can beg and plead for donations? All told, the "commercial-free" aspects of PBS have all but disappeared.

There's no question that 35 years later, PBS still provides tremendous programming variety, and I enjoy a good number if its shows including Nova, Charlie Rose, and the various cooking and home improvement programs that air on weekends. But if they were shown on a network other than PBS, I'd still be watching. With the vast proliferation of cable and satellite broadcast outlets, and the targeted advertising opportunities they bring, there's plenty of room in the private sector to make almost any type of programming a profitable endeavor. Most PBS programs are fully capable of standing on their own if privately produced and broadcast to targeted markets.

Kids programming such as Postcards from Buster could just as easily air on Nickelodeon or one of its offshoots. A network like MSNBC could broadcast Frontline. Ken Burns could sell his documentaries to ESPN, BET and the History Channel. Austin City Limits seems a perfect fit for the Nashville Network or CMT. The possibilities are endless.

Under such an arrangement, if an issue with content was to arise, it would become a private matter between the network, its sponsors, and its viewers. Government officials wouldn't have to waste their time with special interest groups debating the trivialities of "Two Mommies in the Kitchen" -- nor would they have the power or the right to determine their fate. Program producers such as Marc Brown could create artistic and editorial content unencumbered by congressional or judicial intervention. And the many individual cable channels
wouldn't have to live in fear that their funding, predicated on the politics of governmental whim, would be slashed or disappear altogether.

Sure, cable channels generally carry more commercial advertisements than PBS, but so what? The gap between them has most certainly been narrowed. Don't want the commercials? Get TiVo. Hit the mute button. Record programs to DVD and edit the ads out. The technology's out there just waiting to be utilized.

Such steps would be but a minor nuisance if they helped to get Uncle Sam out of the "Politically Correct Broadcasting" business. Like the many cookie-cutter multi-purpose stadiums of the 70's, PBS has outlived its usefulness, and the $400 million spent each year by taxpayers would be better invested elsewhere, or returned to its rightful owners.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

The Needle Never Met Vinyl


I thought I’d be able to handle "IT". My reasoning was that the passing of 18 autumns would surely have dampened the pain. Then there was that certain ground ball stabbed by Keith Foulke and underhanded to Doug Mientkiewicz last October: The proverbial wing tip crushing the cigarette, extinguishing the embers of agony.

So at 6:00 pm yesterday evening, as another wave of snow fell outside (53 inches and counting this month, for those scoring at home...), I got a fire going and settled in with some meatloaf and a 4-pack of Boddingtons to watch "IT" again. If you’re a Red Sox fan who’s old enough to qualify for a Taurus rental at Hertz, then “IT” can only mean one thing. “IT” remains the ultimate close-but-no- cigar game, the one in which absolute elation evaporated without a trace in the span of exactly one minute, 57 seconds. “IT” made instant legends of Gary Carter, Ray Knight and Mookie Wilson while rendering the likes of Calvin Schiraldi, Bob Stanley, Rich Gedman, John McNamara, and William Joseph Buckner as perpetual goats.

“IT”, of course, was Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, which aired as part of NESN’s World Series Winter. The broadcasts have been going on for nearly a month now, and February will feature the magical 2004 postseason, including a much happier ending. Earlier this month the classic ’75 Series was shown, and I was able to endure the final inning of Game 7 with my chin up. Even as Joe Morgan’s blooper landed softly in short center field, and again as Yaz flew out to Cesar Geronimo, I was able to hold my head high. After all, those ’75 Sox had overachieved against the vaunted Big Red Machine. Losing hurt, but it didn’t dim the glow of that special season.

I figured this game wouldn’t be much different. The 1986 season had offered its own kind of magic, with Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Dave Henderson coming up huge. There were grizzled vets like Tom Seaver and Don Baylor alongside energetic tikes such as Mike Greenwell and Spike Owen. Great moments like Seaver’s complete game 5-hitter in August, Roger’s 20 whiffs vs the Mariners, and Hendu’s pennant-winning shot off the late Donnie Moore. Not to mention an enigmatic yet entertaining pitcher named Oil Can.

It was in the midst of my senior year at UMass, and the fall semester found me in a killer apartment with three buddies in South Amherst. Lots of great nights at Time Out and The Pub, and plenty of parties at Smith College. And to top it off, on Saturday the 25th night of October, the Boston Red Sox were about to win baseball’s World Championship.

As “IT” turned out, they didn’t. The collapse was brutal, far worse than Torrez grooving a slow burner to Bucky Dent in ’78, or Aparicio’s slip while rounding 3rd in ’72. The ending obliterated much of what I’d hoped to remember about that night, and most of what remains is the bleakness. In an episode of the long-running television series M*A*S*H, Pierce was unable to save one of his best friends on the operating table. Before going under from the anesthesia, his pal whispered to him, "I never heard the bullet..."

Red Sox fans never heard it either.

“IT” was supposed to have been a slam dunk. Clemens, looking spry and strong, was starting on five days’ rest. When pitching with a similar layoff between starts in the regular season, he'd gone 9-0. At the plate, Boggs had been placing the ball anywhere he pleased for most of the season, usually out of the opposition’s reach. Dwight Evans had found his groove, and the Sox were playing tremendous defense at nearly every position.

Meanwhile, the Mets were trotting out junkballer and former Sox pitcher Bobby Ojeda. His changeup and curve could be effective, but his fastball was very hittable. And it didn’t seem possible that their lineup, which featured Wilson, Rafael Santana, and Ojeda in the 7-8-9 holes, would have any chance whatsoever against the high-90’s heat of Clemens.

How could they beat us? HOW???

My roommates – Rude, JB, and Pud – shared my optimism. Though less of a baseball fan than the rest of us, Rude nonetheless was pumped. JB, who’d grown up with Rude in the Boston suburb of Randolph, was more rabid. But the x-factor was Pud, the ultimate cynic from Fairhaven who wore his southeastern Massachusetts accent as a defiant badge of honor. He was the first person I’d ever met who knew more about baseball than me – volumes more, in fact. When it came to the elements of the game, Pud was always right. Even If everything seemed to be going well, Pud always could – and always would -- tell us what why it wasn’t. But I couldn’t recall having seen him as confident as he was on this night. The celebration was imminent, and the fridge was stocked with enough Budweiser longnecks to prove it.

We should have known something was awry in the top of the first when, following Boggs' infield hit, the game was interrupted by a skydiver named Mike Sergio. In 1975, he’d taken the only photos of Owen Quinn making the world’s first known base jump – from the top of unfinished Tower #1 at the World Trade Center. On this night it was Sergio himself who drifted onto the infield while Buckner was at the plate. But the oddity was quickly forgotten as Evans laced a double off the wall in left-center, missing a homer by four feet and putting the Sox on the board. What none of us knew at the time was that Sergio had placed a hex on Buckner which wouldn’t become apparent until the late innings.

As Calvin Schiraldi came on to pitch the last of the eighth with the Sox guarding a 3-2 lead, my buddies and I had no earthly idea that the tension and stakes would make him fold like a road map. Perhaps we were too busy reveling in the glory of Clemens' brilliance over seven solid innings, including four innings of no-hit ball to open the game. But it's more likely that Schiraldi's prior performance had given no reason to doubt his pedigree. Despite his youth, he'd been overpowering in his first season with the Sox, with 55 strikeouts and only 36 hits and 15 walks in 50 innings of work. Opposing batters had hit just .197 against him as he logged a 1.41 ERA. A former Met, he’d joined his ex-University of Texas teammates Owen and Clemens in Boston, and now here he was facing his old team needing six more outs to close out the Series.

Almost from the outset, Calvin struggled with control and consistency. He seemed tentative and unwilling or unable to go for the throat. His indecisiveness led to a throwing error on a routine bunt by Lenny Dykstra left runners at 1st and 2nd with nobody out. Following another sacrifice, he was forced to walk Keith Hernandez to load the bases. Gary Carter then sat back as three straight offerings from the six-foot, four-inch Texan were nowhere near the plate. With a 3-0 count, Carter lined out to Rice in left field, plenty deep to score Lee Mazzilli with the tying run.

It was during this at-bat by Carter that, 18 annums later, I began to feel those same familiar pangs of doubt. My nerves were unsettled and, needing another drink, I popped open another pub draught can and eased the golden liquid along the slope of the tilted pint glass. But if waiting for the head to settle out seemed an epoch, then the suspense of watching Darryl Strawberry’s sky-high fly ball to center finally land in Henderson’s glove was an eternity.

After a scoreless and threatless ninth for both sides, the game moved to extra innings. Looking back, I recall how Pud was livid that Schiraldi had cost Clemens the chance to be the winning pitcher in the clinching game. But he was still outwardly brimming with confidence in the outcome as the Sox batted in the 10th. Dave Henderson was due to lead off, and NBC’s producers spared no moment in making sure the clip of his mammoth Game 5 home run was shown in full. There he was in Anaheim, silencing the crowd, launching himself out of the batter’s box after contact (much like Sammy Sosa would a dozen years later) and bringing the Sox back from the dead when they were one strike away from elimination.

With Rick Aguilera now on to pitch for New York, Henderson stepped in and took a huge rip, whiffing on an opening fastball. Aguilera then tried to slip a slider in on the wrists, but he left it low and over the plate and Henderson took another mighty cut, pulling the ball hard down the left field line. Once again we saw him launch, then twist, then backpedal down the first base line as he willed the ball fair. As it landed in left field seats, he broke into his characteristic home run trot -- arms tensed at the elbows yet hanging nearly straight along his sides, with his hands flard out below his hips. Hendu was the hero once again.

My thoughts now drifted back to Amherst, where a well-oiled Pud had jumped up from the couch and opened the front door. “The fackin’ Mets suck!!!” he yelled at peak volume and within earshot of the few dozen New Yorkers who resided at Southwood Apartments and Brittany Manor. Then, laughing, he slammed the door and started looking for the phone. “I gotta call my fatha” he kept repeating. We finally talked some sense into him, convincing him to hold off.

Meanwhile Owen and Schiraldi had just whiffed, and Boggs laced a double to the alley in left-center. Barrett knocked him in with a solid base hit up the middle, making it a 2-run game. When Buckner was ht by a pitch on his right hip bone, we wondered if we’d see a pinch runner. Buck had been fighting chronic pain in his ankles and knees most of the season. He'd played a full nine innings in the field this night, and it seemed like a perfect time to get some fresh legs in the person of Dave Stapleton. As Jim Rice strode to the plate, we were somewhat puzzled to see no other activity in the Sox dugout, but we just shrugged it off. Even after Rice lined out to end the inning, we were feeling no pain. After all, we were up 5-3, and victory was inevitable.

Pud had cracked open another beer and had begun rifling through my LP record collection. This is a guy who, with the exception of college football fight songs and a few Springsteen tunes, hated music. But there he was, thumbing his fingers through the N’s, O’s and P’s. I knew what he was looking for, but he was still having trouble pinning it down.

“Hey Brownie!! What the hell album is ‘We Are The Champions’ on??” he slurred.

“Queen – News of the World,” I replied. Within a few moments he’d located it and as I watched him fumble around trying to get the black disk out of its sleeve, I decided not to entrust my brother’s Technics turntable to Pud’s less-than-gentle hands. I placed the record on the rotating platen, set the speed to 33 RPM, and cued the stylus over the proper track for him. Now all he had to do was lower the tone arm lever and the celebration would commence. But first, all the Sox needed were three more outs.

The bottom of the 10thstarted harmlessly enough, with the fans at Shea Stadium clanking cowbells, and the organist climbing the scales with the “Hut-2-3-4-Charge!” chant. Before we knew it, there were two out as both Backman and Hernandez lofted easy fly balls to the outfield.

“This is it!!! THIS IS IT!!” Pud begain yelling to nobody in particular. “Sixty-Eight Fackin’ Yeahs!!” None of us could sit, and outside we heard more loud yelling, girls screaming, and firecrackers going off. Pud opened the door and returned the shouts, with more derisive comments directed towards the local Mets fans.

NBC then flashed a graphic proclaiming Marty Barrett, who’d reached base in all five trips to the plate, as the Player of the Game. Hard to argue, though a case could have been made for Clemens' seven brilliant innings in spite of a heavy workload. In the background, the recorded trumpet charge was blaring from the PA speakers, and Kevin Mitchell was coming up to hit for Aguilera. There were no hints whatsoever that at that very moment we were witnessing the beginning of the end, and that within 13 minutes and 17 seconds our emotional states, and those of all Sox fans, would be abruptly and cruelly altered.

Eighteen years later, I now have my answer. I knew what was coming, and I couldn’t watch. Even with a World Series trophy now residing on Yawkey Way, I still had to mute the audio, look away, and, ultimately, change the channel. The wounds, I’m afraid, are still fresh after all.

That one minute, 57 second span I noted earlier? That's how much time elapsed between the instant that Stanley's pitch deflected off Gedman's mitt (scoring Mitchell), and Ray Knight's planting of both feet on home plate (following a grounder to first). There’s really no point in detailing what transpired in Amherst from that point forward., but suffice to say there was a can of Chef Boy-Ar-Dee Beef Ravioli embedded in the drywall to the right of our TV. Our apartment then fell silent while outside the walls those sporadic groups of Mets fans were celebrating with jovial glee. On campus that night, dozens of arrests and several injuries followed skirmishes between fans of both teams.

Me? I sulked over to the turntable, secured the tone arm on its rest, and removed the LP from the platform. Then, holding it with a thumb on the label and my ring finger on the edge, I guided it slowly into the protective paper jacket. Finally, I slid the record back into the cardboard sleeve, and returned it to its proper alphabetic location on the bottom shelf of my bookcase.

That album hasn’t been played since.