Shut Up Already

Just when I thought he'd receded from view, when it seemed he'd returned to his posh multi-mansion lifestyle and the backbreaking work of uplifting the downtrodden, he reappeared. It was on CNN that I first caught the report and, try as I might to ignore it, I simply could not avert my attention.

John Kerry, the man whose head looks like it was crushed in one of Norm Abram's carpentry clamps, decided to spend Martin Luther King Day having breakfast with African-Americans. But it was more than omelets and hash browns he wanted to share with his fellow citizens --- it was his version of the cold harsh truth. And he apparently wasted no time in spitting it out.

So the whining commenced. Election this, unfair that, disenfranchised voters, yada yada yada, blah blah blah....

"The Massachusetts Democrat, Bush's challenger in November, spoke at Boston's annual Martin Luther King Day Breakfast. He reiterated that he decided not to challenge the election results, but "thousands of people were suppressed in the effort to vote."

"Voting machines were distributed in uneven ways. In Democratic districts, it took people four, five, eleven hours to vote, while Republicans (went) through in 10 minutes -- same voting machines, same process, our America," he said.

You'd think that by now, more than two months after the election, those sour grapes in Kerry's mouth would have fermented into a soothing, mellow cabernet. But what he instead spews forth is rancid vinegar.

My favorite portion of this escapade is this whole "reiteration that he decided not to challenge the election results" thing. Frankly, I wish he had done so -- and to the fullest extent that the American judicial system would allow. Because the results would have been a total embarrassment for him. Think he looks like a sore loser now? Can you imagine if he'd been garnering headlines the past 60 days with this tired tripe, only to have his appeals denied like a layup swatted away by Ben Wallace?

If Kerry truly believes he's not challenging the results, then he should shut his mouth about it. He comes off like former Baltimore Orioles manager Earl Weaver -- a crusty curmudgeon whining about the umpires, yet not filing any formal protests on the outcome of the game. Kerry's decision not to appeal to the courts doesn't make him any less of a protestant on the issue. He remains vocally bitter, and one can thing that's clear from the tone of his remarks is that he actually believes he was robbed by long lines at polling locations. It's funny, but I actually respected Al Gore to a degree because in the wake of the 2000 elections, he stood firmly by his guns and steadfastly pursued legal remedies with vigilance. Well ...at least he did so for about a month. Regardless, it's more than Kerry's done.

But here comes the icing on the cake. This afternoon, two sons of prominent Milwaukee politicians were hit with felony charges of criminal damage to property. Three alleged co-conspirators were also indicted.

Their crime? Slashing the tires of rented vans which were to be used to drive voters and election monitors to polling locations on Election Day. It’s all right here

The irony, of course, is that the five young men who are alleged to have committed these childish acts, which John Kerry would term as heinous and brutally unfair, were doing so on behalf of Kerry's own party. Yes, you read that right. They rendered 25 vans useless -- vehicles that had been rented by the GOP to ensure that several “disenfranchised voters” would get to the polls. Could republicans have asked for a better way to make the Democratic presidential nominee look like the court jester?

So why haven't we heard from John Kerry on this issue? I mean, it's only been a week since he was swallowing sausages and sipping coffee with his brothers in arms. Perhaps the press corps can't figure out which of his multi-million dollar estates he's convalescing in today. Who knows, maybe he's hunkered down on blizzard-ravaged Nantucket.

I hear he's got a nice spread there...